Our Story ⬹

(Photos by Alacia Adrienne Photography)

Have you ever been called to do something?  Something a little scary & uncomfortable, yet simultaneously something you could not shake unless you answered?  Something that seemed completely out of your capacity, but it kept nudging you?

Adoption called us. 

Adoption and foster care have been woven into the thread of our relationship since the beginning.  Looking back, I am in awe at the selfless (& insane) decision my parents made to open their home to foster children after already having six biological kids of their own.  My dad had a great response to anyone who raised an eyebrow in question of our family dynamic.  “Yes, they’re all ours & with my ‘first’ wife.”    

It was near my 6^th birthday that we took in my first two foster sisters, who had just turned 5 and 7 years old.  That year-long placement turned into a 10-year adventure of housing almost 60 children, two of which became my youngest siblings through adoption.  It was a childhood spent serving others, chaos, challenges, victories, lots of play, heroism, and witnessing some tragic stories of abuse and neglect.  It took grace on every family member’s part – my parents and brothers alike – to make it work.  And somehow we did. 

As most dating couples, Brady & I would discuss and dream of our future family together.  The idea of adopting a child would frequently come up in that conversation but we also agreed that we wanted very much to have biological children.

We were married in April of 2010, and soon thereafter found that getting pregnant came with much difficulty.  We endured two years of fertility treatments; the heartbreak and test of patience and faith in that were anything but easy.  The day we found out that we’d successfully conceived was one of the happiest days in our marriage. 

Liam was born in December of 2013, and he will forever be our pride and joy.  I cried every day of his first year of life in thanks that God chose us to be his parents.  It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t walked the path of infertility what it’s like to be on the other side and holding a perfect little baby, while fully knowing that it could have had a very different outcome.

The months turned into years, and our desire to have another child grew.  Every time we would walk into church on the weekend we would be overcome with the sense that we were being called to pursue adoption.  So many questions and fears would arise: HOW would we ever afford it?  Am I feeling this way because conception was difficult?  Was this pressed into me because of my upbringing?  Every time these questions would be met with peace and knowing that it was only a matter of time until we took that leap.  Brady and I would talk about it yet again, while agreeing that it wasn’t time quite yet.

Due to some of my health matters and the physical/emotional/financial stress of fertility treatments, we decided as a couple that we would not go that route again.  That choice was an extremely difficult one to make.  It was a long and hard grieving process to let go of our dream of another biological child, the idea of experiencing pregnancy and birth again and looking at your child with a full heart in knowing that he/she came through me, as a product of us.  While we were willing to go to great lengths to become second-time parents, we had to be realistic in looking at the toll it took pre-conception, pregnancy, and postpartum. 

We researched, sought out other adoptive families for input, listened to and read everything we could pertaining to how to adopt.   International vs domestic.  Older child vs younger child.  Special needs vs a seemingly-“healthy” child.  Single child vs siblings.  What race? Cultural background?  Open or closed adoption?  There were SO many aspects to consider before even taking a formal step to make it a reality, many of which took some serious contemplation. 

Brady & I sat down for a meeting with a social worker and submitted our adoption application at the beginning of last April.  The domestic infant program via Lutheran Social Services is where the arrows pointed, but we learned after eagerly handing in our application that they had already chosen the four families that they’d be working with for the year.  We would have to wait until January of 2018 to maybe be selected to move forward, as they only draw four families from their lottery system annually. 

January was nine months away and an eternity until we could start the preliminary steps in the adoption process.  We were extremely disappointed in leaving that meeting to learn that we would have to wait longer right out of the gate. 

After the emotions settled, I had the realization that this wasn’t something that could be forced or orchestrated to fit our wants.  I knew that as much as we yearned for another child, we didn’t need a baby to make life fulfilling or meaningful.  I let go of the notion that Liam needed a sibling right then.  I gave myself grace for the first time in releasing the guilt I felt for having not been able to get pregnant.  I let go of any suggestion that a baby would fill a void or heal my heart. 

It was a very humbling process to arrive to this place, but once those realizations came in to play, I placed all of my trust in God in a way of complete surrender.  This brought a beautiful visceral peace in fully trusting Him with our family. 

Then it happened.  It had been nearly 3.5 years since Liam had been born, all the while praying for a glimmer of hope to become pregnant again.  That growing ache to have another child followed by the abrupt news that we’d have to sit and be patient, and reveling in the surrender, I found myself in complete disbelief as I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand. 

Liam turned four years old in December, and one week later Skyla gracefully joined us earthside on January 5^th.  We were notified three days later that we had been selected to start our adoption!

I’d hardly gotten out of bed yet as I healed, cuddled, and nursed our perfect miracle girl.  Brady was still my main nurse man as he juggled caring for Liam, cooking, grocery shopping, running our business, and all things life while continuing to be an incredible support person for me.

It took us a few days to discuss whether we wanted to move forward with our adoption so soon.  After some questions and fears arose, they were just as quickly put to rest with some specific prayers asking for discernment. 

To date, we are wrapping up our homestudy.  We've been fingerprinted, background checked, referenced, had physicals, drug tests, and filled out copious amounts of paperwork.  Home visits are almost complete and adoption education is under way.  We have an exciting adoption fundraiser in the works and so many hopes that the Lord will provide the means for our adoption through our village and anyone who feels that they'd like to support us in this calling.  

RSVP via the Facebook event here!  Follow along as details unfold.

We don’t know our future child yet.  We don’t know if our future child is a boy or girl.  We don’t know what our future child will look like or what his/her beginning will entail.  We have yet to be chosen by an expectant mother/parents, and we have absolutely no control over when we that will happen.  It may be weeks from when our homestudy and profile are completed this summer.  It may be in a year, or two, or three. 

But we do know this: Our creator knows all of those details and we TRUST IN HIM!  Fully.  Recklessly.  Wholly.  It’s a humbling privilege to be in the waiting.  Waiting on anything is a difficult practice, but waiting on something like a baby – whether it’s your first, second, or third – is a test of endurance like no other.  Sometimes we get consumed in our circumstances, but we look to the Father to guide us.  We praise HIM.  We know He understands our hearts better than we understand them ourselves. 

Birth mom has been on my heart a lot lately.  Obviously we don’t know her yet either, but wherever she is out there, we are actively praying for her; for her peace and ease in choosing adoption and us as her child’s forever family.  We are praying for her safety, protection, health, and desire to know Our Father as He desires to know her.  We are praying that she will care for herself, thus caring for the little life who grows (or will grow) within her.

This entire adoption journey did not happen by accident, but rather Sovereign Plan.  We’ve had the great joys and intense struggle on getting to this season.  We don’t want the concept of adoption to make our future child to feel inferior to our biological children nor do we want him/her to feel more important.  We simply hope to love, cherish, and instill in our child that he/she is forever wanted! 

Most importantly, this story did not happen because it was “Plan B”.  What started out as a desire to become parents blossomed into two amazing biological children and two parents, who look forward to the day we will welcome our third child with open arms.