The Oak Tree

My dad died three days ago.

Today, we have a three-month old.

And three years ago to the date we were preparing for my father-in-law’s funeral. 

I can’t say it ‘feels like yesterday’ that our sweet girl arrived because it doesn’t.  It feels like ages ago that we marveled over our tiny brand new baby; blissful and completely unaware of what life was going to look like in the weeks to follow.  Goodness, Skyla's birthday was beautiful and perfect.  

Anger overcame me yesterday at the realization that my daughter’s first pretty dress is going to be worn at her Poppy’s funeral, while simultaneously remembering that Liam’s first size 18mo suit and tie were worn to his Papa G.’s funeral.  Some choice words accompanied the question of, “Why don’t baby books have a special ‘First Funeral’ section?  This is horseshit.” 

The anger passed and sadness filled its place.  The tears flowed, and then the empty numbness.

While my dad laid on his deathbed I told him that we’d be okay.  I wasn’t lying; we will be okay.  

But it still hurts.  My heart is shattered right now.  And I miss him terribly. 

Without a shadow of doubt I know that he is finally free from all suffering and in the arms of Jesus.  That is my comfort; knowing that he is rejoicing in paradise for eternity.  Free, at last.  And because of that truth, and because of the strength given to me by that same loving Father, I will be okay.  

THE OAK TREE by Johnny Ray Ryder Jr.  

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,

Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark

Until the oak was tired and stark. 

But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around

The weary wind gave up and spoke,

“How can you still be standing, Oak?”

The oak tree said, "I know that you

Can break each branch of mine in two,

Carry every leaf away,

Shake my limbs, and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,

Growing stronger since my birth.

You'll never touch them, for you see,

They are the deepest part of me.

Until today, I wasn't sure

Of just how much I could endure

But now I've found with thanks to you

I'm stronger than I ever knew".